Someone turn the light on please...

Monday, 15 October 2007

Whoever said that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, could you please shine it for me so I can catch a glimpse!

I have been a Yummy Mummy for 16 weeks now and I kind of thought that I had made it past all the huge hurdles of new Yummy Mumminess, only to be struck a major and life changing blow.

I have been diagnosed with postnatal depression.

I guess i knew I was suffering from it but like many woman before me admitting it is easier said than done. The last 16 weeks I have been like super woman on speed, I have the perfect daughter, she is beautiful, clever, very advanced for her age, she is weaned, she sleeps through the night need I go on? My house is always shining like a new pin, my husband sent to work pressed and fed, me I am never without make-up and freshly blow dried hair.

I am great right?


I am the captain of a ship and its sinking fast, someone has got to thorough me a life line or I'm going down.I admit it, I can't do it all it's hard, and it hurts.

I adore my baby, I would die for her, but I am overwhelmed with it all - why do I put so much pressure on myself to be the best? I want to be the best Mummy so badly I can't let her down that's what I am thinking 24/7 . I am blessed, I am surrounded by love and support, so why do I feel so alone?


Is there any body out there...

A parents love...

Thursday, 27 September 2007

I can look back on my childhood and smile. I had the greatest Mum and Dad, I always got the latest toys, had the nicest clothes and above all else had all the love imaginable from my very hard working parents, I loved them, they were my whole world.  

When I look back at my teen years however a different story emerges, I still got everything I could possibly want. I was showered with their love and encouragement, but they where no longer the center of my universe. I still loved them don't get me wrong, but as soon as the clock struck midnight on my 13th birthday something happened - I became a moody, self obsessed teenager, Mum and Dad where out of the picture.

I never gave any of this a thought, until I become a Yummy Mummy to my darling daughter, and them it struck me - one day this precious little angel will become a hormone, acne riddled teenager, who will slam doors and tell me that she hates me!

So it is now that I would like to take this opportunity to thank my wonderful Mum and Dad for EVERYHTHING they have done for me, I love them more than they will ever know and I am sorry for all the heart ache I have ever caused them.

I have a new found respect for them, especially my Mum who I can now relate to on a Yummy Mummy level. I don't know how I would have coped these last few months without her. She has been through a very traumatic few years and her battle is still not won, but I want her to know that her beloved granddaughter  and I will be here for her every step of the way, cause we love her.

Without her vast knowledge, many valuable lessons and most importantly her unconditional love I would not be the Yummy Mummy I am today.

 Thank's Mum I love you. xxx 

A poem to cry for...

Monday, 24 September 2007

A friend of mine sent this and I absolutely bawled my eyes out, so I thought I would share with all you Yummy mummies out there. Pass the Kleenex!

Before I Was A Mum

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted. And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day.

Before I was a Mum I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mum - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum - I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours
at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mum - I never held a sleeping baby just

because I didn't
want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.
Before I was a Mum - I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside
my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important

Before I was a Mum -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every

10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much

before I was a Mum.

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Make friends, make friends...

So you've had a baby, the world and there dog has been, seen and cuddled them all within 2 weeks of their birthday, you are still riding the emotional roller coaster of postnatal motherhood, and you suddenly look around to find you are all alone with this precious little stranger and the buck stops at you.

Terrified, bewildered, scared and abandoned all spring to mind when I think back to those first few weeks after the novelty of my new arrival had worn off for everyone, everyone that is except  for me and my hubby (who was now back to his old life, working!)

What was I going to do all day, every day with no one to share my excitement of  Eva's every move, or my paranoia of yet another weird rash? A ray of light came in the morning post -

 "You are invited to attend the 1st time mums group" Yippee!

The night before the first meeting I was like a wee girl before your fist day of school, what where we going to wear, what if no one liked us, what if I don't click with anyone?

I need not have worried, I was greeted with a room full of other Yummy Mummy's, probably all thinking the same things as me, each of us proudly showing off our little princes and princesses and all looking for the same thing  - a friend.

The 6 weekly meeting's flew by and now I am happy to report that on a Monday lunchtime I am now a very proud Yummy Mummy that lunches with other Yummy Mummies in our local coffee shop, we share stories and tips and get to know one another.

As for  our princes and princess, well they have made some friends too, and who knows maybe even the possibility of future romances!! 

Let's clarify...

Sunday, 23 September 2007

I have been meaning to write about this for a while, but kept getting caught up in the moment, with my other posts.

I just wanted to clarify what my definition of                             Yummy Mummy-ness is - I am not one of those skinny, self obsessed, rich chicks who puts herself and her appearance before her babies needs.

 I am a Yummy Mummy who's soul purpose in life is keep my daring daughter safe and happy, & try to be as appealing a wife to my husband as is realistically achievable!

That said I can see how easily you could get swept along with the Yummy Mummy "it crowed" with their Prada handbags & manicured nails. I am not saying that once you become a Mummy you have to let go and give up, you must of course do whatever makes you feel good, but how much pressure must these woman put themselves under to fit in to size zero jeans minutes after giving birth? Is it even worth it, you have just had a baby -


Okay rant over, please let me know your views on this subject, post a comment and let's see what you think a Yummy Mummy really is!

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If at first you don't succeed...

The days and weeks that followed Eva's home coming where full of ups and downs. I have to say that no amount of research before you baby arrives really prepares you for just how much of an individual they are! What might work for one baby does not always work for the other, so everything is trial and error (there will be may, may errors until you hit the jackpot!).

One of the most major lows that occurred was deciding to stop breastfeeding. I was racked with guilt and sadness, but it just wasn't working. Eva was starving, my boobs where huge with the added disadvantage of having very flat nipples, and I got mastitis. The agony I went through is still so vivid today my nipples are hardening just at the thought!

It is at this point that I must mention my ( I have to be real nice here as he is a devoted fan of my blog & me, so "hi darling"  here's a kiss incase I forget to give you a real one today X!) He was so supportive of me, especially during those agonizing 2 am feeds when my toes were curled in pain, I dreaded every feed and counted the minutes till the next, wishing Eva would not wake. It must be a truly awful thing for a man to watch, a bit like labor I suppose as there is nothing they can really do other than give you emotional support.

In the end we decided to bottle feed Eva, it broke my heart but looking back now I know it was the right decision. She is thriving and has shot from a 9lb birth weight to her most recent weight in of 15lb 7 oz.

 Not bad for a 13 week old princess!


Bringing home baby...

Saturday, 22 September 2007

If like me you have a maniac driver for a husband, who has constantly shrugged off your warnings about how he had better become a careful driver once your little bundle of joy arrives, take note - they are more scared than you!

On that first drive home from the hospital Martin drove like he was transporting the crown jewels, of course we were carrying something much more precious!

Getting home was such sweet relief, no more horrid NHS bed & pillows. No more disgusting bathroom, and most importantly no one to bother us from starting our family life. No one that is apart from the constant stream of visitors, phone calls & delivery's  that always happen at the most inappropriate times!

Don't get me wrong it is so heart warming when you look around your once pristine home to see all your loved ones mesmerized by your beautiful off spring, but it does get a bit overwhelming. I remember my first full day home, I had woke in the morning with what I   can only describe as a "spring in my step"! So I decided it would be a great idea to clean the entire house from top to bottom ( I had not slept in 4 days, was still desperately trying to breast feed and had more stitched holding my privates together than I care to remember!) But never the less I did it, one piece of advice lady's DON'T DO IT! Please learn from my stupid mistake, after I had finished the visitors starting arriving, the midwife arrived, Eva wanted a feed I needed a shower, my breasts needed to be cut off. I just stood at the top of my stairs tears rolling down my cheeks "Its all to much" and it was, lesson learnt!?