Someone turn the light on please...

Monday 15 October 2007

Whoever said that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel, could you please shine it for me so I can catch a glimpse!

I have been a Yummy Mummy for 16 weeks now and I kind of thought that I had made it past all the huge hurdles of new Yummy Mumminess, only to be struck a major and life changing blow.

I have been diagnosed with postnatal depression.

I guess i knew I was suffering from it but like many woman before me admitting it is easier said than done. The last 16 weeks I have been like super woman on speed, I have the perfect daughter, she is beautiful, clever, very advanced for her age, she is weaned, she sleeps through the night need I go on? My house is always shining like a new pin, my husband sent to work pressed and fed, me I am never without make-up and freshly blow dried hair.

I am great right?


I am the captain of a ship and its sinking fast, someone has got to thorough me a life line or I'm going down.I admit it, I can't do it all it's hard, and it hurts.

I adore my baby, I would die for her, but I am overwhelmed with it all - why do I put so much pressure on myself to be the best? I want to be the best Mummy so badly I can't let her down that's what I am thinking 24/7 . I am blessed, I am surrounded by love and support, so why do I feel so alone?


Is there any body out there...

A parents love...

Thursday 27 September 2007

I can look back on my childhood and smile. I had the greatest Mum and Dad, I always got the latest toys, had the nicest clothes and above all else had all the love imaginable from my very hard working parents, I loved them, they were my whole world.  

When I look back at my teen years however a different story emerges, I still got everything I could possibly want. I was showered with their love and encouragement, but they where no longer the center of my universe. I still loved them don't get me wrong, but as soon as the clock struck midnight on my 13th birthday something happened - I became a moody, self obsessed teenager, Mum and Dad where out of the picture.

I never gave any of this a thought, until I become a Yummy Mummy to my darling daughter, and them it struck me - one day this precious little angel will become a hormone, acne riddled teenager, who will slam doors and tell me that she hates me!

So it is now that I would like to take this opportunity to thank my wonderful Mum and Dad for EVERYHTHING they have done for me, I love them more than they will ever know and I am sorry for all the heart ache I have ever caused them.

I have a new found respect for them, especially my Mum who I can now relate to on a Yummy Mummy level. I don't know how I would have coped these last few months without her. She has been through a very traumatic few years and her battle is still not won, but I want her to know that her beloved granddaughter  and I will be here for her every step of the way, cause we love her.

Without her vast knowledge, many valuable lessons and most importantly her unconditional love I would not be the Yummy Mummy I am today.

 Thank's Mum I love you. xxx 

A poem to cry for...

Monday 24 September 2007

A friend of mine sent this and I absolutely bawled my eyes out, so I thought I would share with all you Yummy mummies out there. Pass the Kleenex!

Before I Was A Mum

Before I was a Mom I made and ate hot meals.

I had unstained clothing. I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom I slept as late as I wanted. And never worried about how late I got into bed.

I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was Mom I cleaned my house each day.

Before I was a Mum I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mum - I had never been puked on.
Pooped on.
Spit on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum - I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours
at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mum - I never held a sleeping baby just

because I didn't
want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.
Before I was a Mum - I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside
my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important

Before I was a Mum -

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every

10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much

before I was a Mum.

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Make friends, make friends...

So you've had a baby, the world and there dog has been, seen and cuddled them all within 2 weeks of their birthday, you are still riding the emotional roller coaster of postnatal motherhood, and you suddenly look around to find you are all alone with this precious little stranger and the buck stops at you.

Terrified, bewildered, scared and abandoned all spring to mind when I think back to those first few weeks after the novelty of my new arrival had worn off for everyone, everyone that is except  for me and my hubby (who was now back to his old life, working!)

What was I going to do all day, every day with no one to share my excitement of  Eva's every move, or my paranoia of yet another weird rash? A ray of light came in the morning post -

 "You are invited to attend the 1st time mums group" Yippee!

The night before the first meeting I was like a wee girl before your fist day of school, what where we going to wear, what if no one liked us, what if I don't click with anyone?

I need not have worried, I was greeted with a room full of other Yummy Mummy's, probably all thinking the same things as me, each of us proudly showing off our little princes and princesses and all looking for the same thing  - a friend.

The 6 weekly meeting's flew by and now I am happy to report that on a Monday lunchtime I am now a very proud Yummy Mummy that lunches with other Yummy Mummies in our local coffee shop, we share stories and tips and get to know one another.

As for  our princes and princess, well they have made some friends too, and who knows maybe even the possibility of future romances!! 

Let's clarify...

Sunday 23 September 2007

I have been meaning to write about this for a while, but kept getting caught up in the moment, with my other posts.

I just wanted to clarify what my definition of                             Yummy Mummy-ness is - I am not one of those skinny, self obsessed, rich chicks who puts herself and her appearance before her babies needs.

 I am a Yummy Mummy who's soul purpose in life is keep my daring daughter safe and happy, & try to be as appealing a wife to my husband as is realistically achievable!

That said I can see how easily you could get swept along with the Yummy Mummy "it crowed" with their Prada handbags & manicured nails. I am not saying that once you become a Mummy you have to let go and give up, you must of course do whatever makes you feel good, but how much pressure must these woman put themselves under to fit in to size zero jeans minutes after giving birth? Is it even worth it, you have just had a baby -


Okay rant over, please let me know your views on this subject, post a comment and let's see what you think a Yummy Mummy really is!

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If at first you don't succeed...

The days and weeks that followed Eva's home coming where full of ups and downs. I have to say that no amount of research before you baby arrives really prepares you for just how much of an individual they are! What might work for one baby does not always work for the other, so everything is trial and error (there will be may, may errors until you hit the jackpot!).

One of the most major lows that occurred was deciding to stop breastfeeding. I was racked with guilt and sadness, but it just wasn't working. Eva was starving, my boobs where huge with the added disadvantage of having very flat nipples, and I got mastitis. The agony I went through is still so vivid today my nipples are hardening just at the thought!

It is at this point that I must mention my ( I have to be real nice here as he is a devoted fan of my blog & me, so "hi darling"  here's a kiss incase I forget to give you a real one today X!) He was so supportive of me, especially during those agonizing 2 am feeds when my toes were curled in pain, I dreaded every feed and counted the minutes till the next, wishing Eva would not wake. It must be a truly awful thing for a man to watch, a bit like labor I suppose as there is nothing they can really do other than give you emotional support.

In the end we decided to bottle feed Eva, it broke my heart but looking back now I know it was the right decision. She is thriving and has shot from a 9lb birth weight to her most recent weight in of 15lb 7 oz.

 Not bad for a 13 week old princess!


Bringing home baby...

Saturday 22 September 2007

If like me you have a maniac driver for a husband, who has constantly shrugged off your warnings about how he had better become a careful driver once your little bundle of joy arrives, take note - they are more scared than you!

On that first drive home from the hospital Martin drove like he was transporting the crown jewels, of course we were carrying something much more precious!

Getting home was such sweet relief, no more horrid NHS bed & pillows. No more disgusting bathroom, and most importantly no one to bother us from starting our family life. No one that is apart from the constant stream of visitors, phone calls & delivery's  that always happen at the most inappropriate times!

Don't get me wrong it is so heart warming when you look around your once pristine home to see all your loved ones mesmerized by your beautiful off spring, but it does get a bit overwhelming. I remember my first full day home, I had woke in the morning with what I   can only describe as a "spring in my step"! So I decided it would be a great idea to clean the entire house from top to bottom ( I had not slept in 4 days, was still desperately trying to breast feed and had more stitched holding my privates together than I care to remember!) But never the less I did it, one piece of advice lady's DON'T DO IT! Please learn from my stupid mistake, after I had finished the visitors starting arriving, the midwife arrived, Eva wanted a feed I needed a shower, my breasts needed to be cut off. I just stood at the top of my stairs tears rolling down my cheeks "Its all to much" and it was, lesson learnt!?

Breastfeeding Bullies...

Friday 21 September 2007

 I truly love my darling daughter I would do anything for her, but I truly hate being in this awful place we call a NHS postnatal ward, it is hell on earth.

I am now lying in an even more uncomfortable bed, sweat gushing from every orifice, with a  rather unattractive Primark nighty stuck to me, desperately trying to feed my starving daughter who is screaming while I am breaking my heart crying, praying that someone, anyone will come to my aid and HELP ME! 

You are bullied into breastfeeding at all costs but  just when you need the breastfeeding bullies help and support more than ever you are dumped and left to get on with it, and what they fail to mention to you at all these breastfeeding chit, chats is that it is the hardest, sorest thing you will ever do (sorer than giving birth, I kid you not!).

After 13 hours Eva had only fed for 30 minutes, I was so upset, why couldn't I feed my baby,why wasn't anyone helping me? 

Finally "help" arrived "here's a cup, hand express into it." A CUP! A f***ing cup, what do they think I am daisy the cow? If you have ever tried to hand express 15 hours after giving birth with a screaming child in your arms and boobs so sore and hard they make water melons look cute you will know how soul destroying this task is. After 15 very painful and emotional minutes I had managed to produce, wait for it.............3 ml's of breast milk. But 3mls is better than no ml's so I gave it to my starving daughter in the hope that this would satisfy her long enough for some breast feeding miracle to happen, and something did happen, something huge she  puked it all back up!

Eva euphoria...

 I am lying in a very uncomfortable hospital bed, to scared to move incase one of my many stitched burst or something and lying  all wrapped up in my arms is the most beautiful thing I have every laid eyes on.


 I keep looking at her, stroking her lovely wee face, just to make sure she is real and not some vivid dream.

 I love her so much it hurts, I have only had her for a couple of hours but if I even so much as start to think about my life without her I want to start crying.

For as long as I live my soul purpose in life is to keep this amazing human being safe and happy, any way I can. Every book you read, everyone you speak to before you have your baby goes on and on about how you will be hit with this overwhelming feeling of love for you child, but until it is actually your time you can't  even begin to imagine what they mean. You are instantly transformed into this fearsomely protective Mummy, it truly is overwhelming and it grows. Every day since Eva was born I find myself loving her more and more I think I might burst with pride just from looking at her.

Is it any wonder that we call her"Eva the diva!"

And so there were 3...

Tuesday 18 September 2007
 My pregnancy was text book, not what I was expecting at all. I thought that with all the problems we had encountered to get pregnant that there were bound to be issues along the way. But no I got sick when your supposed to be sick, craved the kind of stuff you are meant to, had all the usual aches and pains that come with being the size of a beached whale.
What I did not have though was a text book birth.
Whenever I am asked about the birth of my daughter and what it was like my reply always shocks "brilliant, I loved it!" Yip I am a lucky, lucky woman I just made it to the hospital in time Eva's head was sitting there waiting to be pushed out & I had no idea, she arrived just 45 minutes after getting to the hospital.
All in all I was in first time labor for 1 hour 45 minutes and I did it all with just a few puffs of gas and air. It was the most amazing experience of my life!
And so it was that at 11.14am on Sunday the 24th June 2007 we officially became 3 and my dream of being a Yummy Mummy was fulfilled!

Every story has a happy ending...

I suffered a further 2 miscarriages after the first, with each one I fell deeper and deeper into pregnancy desperation mode. I lived, eat, slept and dreamt about being pregnant and having a baby of my own. My heart broke more and more with every passing month that came and went without that illusive blue line appearing on the test. Then in September last year my prayers where answered I got a positive pregnancy test and I was absolutely terrified! i bet you are like what, why terrified why not ecstatic? One word thumped around my head MISCARRIAGE! I was so scared of loosing yet another baby that I was unable to let myself be happy and relax until I knew for sure that my little bean was okay. So after our initial Dr's appointment we where sent for an early scan to reassure us that all was well. It did not go well, I was convinced that I was at least 8 weeks pregnant but they could find nothing but an very early, empty yolk sack. My heart was in shreds we would have to wait two agonizing weeks before they would scan me again to see if the pregnancy was viable. Those two weeks of my life where unbearable, I did a home pregnancy test every day (sometimes 3 per day) just to make sure it was still positive I was a wreck! At last the wait was over and our scan date arrived, I was so scared it was torture, what if I had lost another baby? I would have let everyone down, my husband, my parents and worst if all my baby!
I can not begin to describe how happy I was when I saw my baby on the screen, little bigger than a grape, but with a beautiful strong heartbeat there it was, what I had always long for my baby.


The story so far...

Monday 17 September 2007
Well it has been a long and emotional journey, but I have finally reached my destination, I am a Yummy (well sometimes anyway!) Mummy.
My name is Jadie I am 25 years old, happily married and now very happily a Mummy to my darling daughter Evangelina who is now the ripe old age of 12 weeks.
My journey to Yummy Mummy status began 3 years ago when after a very whirl wind romance with my now husband I unexpectedly found out I was pregnant.
It was a shock I won't deny that but I was instantly transformed from a twenty something party girl to a Mummy to be and I was utterly in love with my little bean.
Sadly though at my 12 week scan all my dreams of becoming a Yummy Mummy where shattered when I was told that my baby had no heartbeat, and that I had suffered a missed miscarriage.
My world was rocked to it's very core and so began my emotional 3 year struggle to become a Yummy Mummy.