I suffered a further 2 miscarriages after the first, with each one I fell deeper and deeper into pregnancy desperation mode. I lived, eat, slept and dreamt about being pregnant and having a baby of my own. My heart broke more and more with every passing month that came and went without that illusive blue line appearing on the test. Then in September last year my prayers where answered I got a positive pregnancy test and I was absolutely terrified! i bet you are like what, why terrified why not ecstatic? One word thumped around my head MISCARRIAGE! I was so scared of loosing yet another baby that I was unable to let myself be happy and relax until I knew for sure that my little bean was okay. So after our initial Dr's appointment we where sent for an early scan to reassure us that all was well. It did not go well, I was convinced that I was at least 8 weeks pregnant but they could find nothing but an very early, empty yolk sack. My heart was in shreds we would have to wait two agonizing weeks before they would scan me again to see if the pregnancy was viable. Those two weeks of my life where unbearable, I did a home pregnancy test every day (sometimes 3 per day) just to make sure it was still positive I was a wreck! At last the wait was over and our scan date arrived, I was so scared it was torture, what if I had lost another baby? I would have let everyone down, my husband, my parents and worst if all my baby!
I can not begin to describe how happy I was when I saw my baby on the screen, little bigger than a grape, but with a beautiful strong heartbeat there it was, what I had always long for my baby.
1 comments:
Glad to hear your pregnant, although it's tearing my wife and I apart that she's not getting pregnant. She's obsessed - constantly buying pregnancy tests, being depressed when her period comes, having symptoms of pregnancy only for them to be false, having sex more on 'fertile days', she gets upset when she sees other women with big bumps or holding a baby, it's real torture.
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